A Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didnt reach in the evening, and not the next day either.

When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraut mother ran and asked him "Arre Puttar, ki hoya ?"

The sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Mrutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik ?"

>JALANDHAR BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER...........[this one's ittle difficult than last year's]

>1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only aphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)

>2. Sex ?
>( ) Male
>( ) Female
>( ) Sardar

>3. What's ur age group ?
>( ) less than 0
>( ) equal to 0
>( ) greater than 0

>4. What is 2 + 2 ?
>( ) FOUR
>( ) 4
>( ) IV

>5. If you have one brother, how many brothers ur brother has ?
>( ) none
>( ) one
>( ) question is too personal

>6. Complete the following sentence.....
>______ ________ ________ _________ .

>7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year ?

>8. Read the statment carefully and answer the following question:
> "My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself".
> Qs. how many times the word "mother" appear in the above statement?
> ( ) None
> ( ) few times
> ( ) uncountable times

>9. If someone gives you a dollar for 100 cents , would you
>( ) get one dollar ?
>( ) 100 cents ?

>10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences.......
>(HINT : My Name is ___________ (same as in [1]). I am a ___________ (boy/girl). i am writing an essay.)

>11. If the time is 3.00 what does ur digital watch show ?

>12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrani Express come ?

>13. What u do on a honeymoon ?
>( ) Collect Honey
>( ) Admire Moon
>( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon

>14. Earth is Flat ?
>( ) False
>( ) Indeed False

>15. If A = B and B = C then B = A ?
>( ) TRUE
>( ) FALSE
>( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS

>16. If you eat lunch during lunch time, what u have during dinner time?

>17. If Ram is Sita's Husband, Who is Ram's Wife ?

>18. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

>19. Complete the following poem :
> Mary had a little lamb
> little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or "^" )

>20. This is question number
>( ) 1
>( ) 10
>( ) 20

>21. If 2 + 3 = 5, 3 + 2 = 5 ??
>( ) YES
>( ) NO
>( ) I FORGOT TO GET MY CALCULATOR

>22. write full form of ASAP As Soon As Possible.
>_________________

>23. Opposite of the word "IN" is
>( ) NOT IN
>( ) CRICKET
>( ) PUNJAB

>24. What is the capital of india ?
>( ) India
>( ) INDia
>( ) INDIA

>25. a,e,i,o and u are collectively called "vowels". what are e,a,i,o and u called ?

>26. Fill in the blank : I am _________ a letter.
>( ) READING
>( ) WRITING
>( ) SEALING

>27. Who was the first MAN to land on moon ?
>( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
>( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
>( ) MRS ARMSTRONG

>28. What comes first ?
>( ) the Egg
>( ) the Omlet

>29. can you count more than five using your hands ?
>( ) YES
>( ) NO

>30. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y

>31. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
>( ) Brother
>( ) Son
>( ) Daughter

>32. car A start from X and car B start from Y. X and Y are located 100
>miles apart from each other. how many wheels does each car has ?
>( ) One
>( ) Four
>( ) Seven

>33. To reach to the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many buttons would you press in the elevator ?
>( ) ONE
>( ) TWELVE

>34. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks]
> 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.

>35. this one tests ur imagination. SUN is nearer to india than AMERICA because.....
>( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
>( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
>( ) i do not have any time left to think on this one.

------------------------------------------------------------

>ur feedback counts..................(please do not write how many times)
>I rate the difficulty level for the above question paper as ( ) 8 ( ) 9 ( ) 10

>[NOTE : 1 is very easy and 10 is most difficult]

>Number of times i flipped a coin
>( ) 35
>( ) 70
>( ) i forgot to bring my coin so i bluffed and prayed for good luck.

There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.

They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.

WHY ? - B'cos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started thegarage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

WHY ? - B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY ? - B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge.

WHY ? - B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa singh "Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone number?"

A Sardarni went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The Sardarni opened her handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me and I'm alright."

Once Santa Singh, the psychiatrist, met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you are dead." "But you see I'm alive," smiled the friend.   "Impossible," said Santa Singh. "The man who told me is much more reliable than you."

Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,   "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."

"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor." said Santa to Banta "Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?" replied Banta. Santa said: "Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."

Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of Drunken Driving. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." Santa immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager Santa Singh kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Santa Singh, Is this what I pay you for?" Santa Singh coolly replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
>>> Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
>>> So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
>>> They think their picture is being taken.

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
>>> Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
>>> You always hear about them but you never see them.

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column SALARY EXPECTED. He was not sure as to what to be filled there.

After much thought he wrote : Yes.

Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.

2nd Sardar:  Why are you crying?
1st Sardar:   I came here for blood test.
2nd Sardar:  So ? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?
1st Sardar:   No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked him
1st Sardar:   Why are you crying?
2nd Sardar:  I have come for my urine test !

Santa Singh & Banta Singh went for an interview. First, Santa Singh attended the interview.

Interviewer : Who is the PM of India ?
Santa Singh : Hamesha tho badalthe rahatha hai. Philal Atal Behari Vajpayee hai.
Interviewer : In which year did India attain independence ?
Santa Singh : 1942 me try kiya tha, lekin 1947 me hua.
Interviewer : Is the world round or square in shape ?
Santa Singh : Scientists log try kar raha hai. Ab thak theek se patha nahi chala.
Interviewer : Very good. You are selected.

Then Santa Singh came out and told Banta Singh that the interviewer will ask three questions and answer them as follows;
Hamesha tho badalthe rahatha hai. Philal Atal Behari Vajpayee hai.
1942 me try kiya tha, lekin 1947 me hua.
Scientists log try kar raha hai. Ab thak theek se patha nahi chala.

Banta Singh is now interviewed.

Interviewer : What is your name ?
Banta Singh : Hamesha tho badalthe rahatha hai. Philal Atal Behari Vajpayee hai.
Interviewer : When you were born ?
Banta Singh : 1942 me try kiya tha, lekin 1947 me hua.
Interviewer : Thum pagal hai kya ?
Banta Singh : Scientists log try kar raha hai. Ab thak theek se patha nahi chala.

A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front.The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there.So he finally gets pissed off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out. Few minutes later, he comes back."I'm sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member" says the TC sardar.

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